In an homage to actor Charlie Sheen, female comedian Amy Schumer counted down the top 40 “winning” star celebs of 2011 on the entertainment channel VH1. Which star celebs did she name? Who were the good, the bad, and the ugly celebrities whose names made it into the headlines most this year?
VH1 did something really clever smart this year. They put together a list of the most “winningest wining stars of 2011″ and let comedienne Amy Shumer host a show about it. Remember her? She’s the young lady who roasted Charlie Sheen so well on Comedy Central? At any rate, we digress. Our staff watched their end-of-the-year BEST OF list cable television program on December 14th from the offices of GCN. Here’s who the popular music channel named on their big list and what they (essentially) said about them. Of course, we mixed in our own liberal interpretation of how their picks mixed with our take on who were (and were not) the best.
We’ve offered up a few of our favorite picks for the biggest winners in Hollywood for their ability to garner free press, organized (of course) by good deeds, celebrity scandals, and just plain morally reprehensible antics. Pay no attention to the numerical order, however. These are just the celebs we think deserve a mention on our end of the year “Most Famous Faces” list in 2011. Our particular favorites? The most famous humanitarians and bright green celebs.
- Pippa Middleton — The sister of Kate Middleton stole all the Royal Wedding thunder away from “Wait-y Katie” and Prince William when she was publicly proclaimed as the girl with the best butt in Britain. Her skinny white girl booty got women all over the world thinking about losing weight and getting fit. And, while men couldn’t be her, they still thought about catching her. When she gets pics popped in the press by the paparazzi who peep at the sister of the princess whenever she wears a swimsuit or spandex, she sets new trends in health and fitness.
- Raven Simone — The little girl who used to be on the Cosby Show grew up, got her own television show on the Disney channel, then blew up like the Goodyear blimp. Now, she’s the celebrity weight loss winner — looking fit and fabulous. While she might not be as big a winner as other celebs like Nicki Minaj (the fashion icon), Jennifer Hudson (another celebrity weight loss health and fitness advocate), or even transgender icon Chaz Bono (who was the first transgendered star celeb we know of who has appeared on Dancing With The Stars), she still deserves respect. Way to go, girl! Who said being one of America’s favorite celebrity kids would make you into a piece of… shift.
- Steve Jobs — When the Apple computer leader passed away October 5th, the man that gave us the iPhone, the iPod, and the iPad made everyone in the world iSad. Not since Thomas Edison has the world been influenced so much by one man’s dream and vision. Sure the current iPhones will be obsolete six months from now, but our love of Steve Jobs (and his black mock turtleneck uniforms that made him look like an off duty captain from Star Trek) will last forever.
- Mila Kunis — She made good on her word and went to the Marine Corps Ball with the soldier she did not know who asked her out on a date by video. Mila Kunis also broke up with MacCauley Culkin, danced with green celebrity mom Natalie Portman, and got to [pretend] knock boots with pop music singer turned full time actor Justin Timberlake in the new movie “Friends With Benefits”. Not bad for the b$tchy girl who played Ashton Kutcher’s girlfriend on That 70s Show and does the voice of misfit Meg on Family Guy, eh? Oh yeah… and P.S. — she’s absolutely darling. We love Mila Kunis.
- Gabby Giffords — After being shot in the head for being noted as America’s most optimistic congresswoman, Gabby Giffords has not only lived through the incident, she’s fighting through rehab hoping to make a comeback. Partially paralyzed and struggling to re-learn how to speak, she is still loving, a devoted wife, and the most influential politician we’ve ever seen. When she made a standing appearance in Congress back in August, America was moved. By the end of the year, she was giving interviews and had a new book out. You go, girl! God bless Gabrielle Giffords and help her make continues progress.
- Katy Perry — Talk about a way to use your natural talents to get recognition. Up front about the real reason Katy Perry was famous, Amy Shumer joked that the pop music idols ample boobage were platter served up by the fashionista in such a way that they looked tasty and delicious (no matter what your sexual preference is). Even Barbara Walters listed her as one of the most fascinating people in the world in 2011. Fans can’t wait to see that celebrity interview — the one where Babs asks Katy if she really kissed a girl and did the newlywed bride of comedian Russell Brand really like it.
- Ryan Gosseling — Is their any Hollywood actor you can name that had more women worked up in 2011 than actor Ryan Gosseling? When George Clooney said he should win People Magazine’s Sexiest Man of the Year, the publishers were not listening. They voted Bradley Cooper the hottest — but not VH1. They really were enamored with the green celebrity Ryan Gosseling for his eco-friendly, pet friendly, and wife beater t-shirts that flaunt his sinewy biceps.
- Beyonce Knowles – The pop music singer got preggers in 2011 and showed the world the first glimpse of her baby bump after singing live on stage at a VH1 Awards show concert. She and husband Jay-Z are considering the music industry’s preeminent celebrity power couple. Where David Beckham and Victoria Beckham made big news with the birth of their first daughter Harper (who has three big brothers), Jessica Simpson surprised the nation by cancelling her wedding because she is pregnant, and Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon gave birth to fraternal twins, it continues to be Beyonce’s baby bump that kept rumor mills reporters talking.
- Cee Lo Green — He is know to occasionally dress like a muppet. He reps for the Coca Cola product 7-Up. His hit song F*&% You was featured in a GLEE remake and sung by Goop celebrity Gwyneth Paltrow. He’s even been compared to pop icon Elton John (without all the juicy gossip about LGBT xenophobic strangeness being alluded to in the press). But who is this Cee Lo Green guy and what does he do? The former Gnarls Barkley singer is no stranger to Hollywood, but 2011 was the year he really came out as a soloist. Bragging he is having more sex than normal men, VH1 joked that his machismo was what made him a likeable celeb, but we know better. Our bet is that he’s got good karma for being a green celeb — Cee Lo Green gives his celebrity endorsement to Souls4Soles, a non-profit organization that helps provide shoes to the world’s most impoverished nations.
- Oprah Winfrey — “Turn your wounds into wisdom…” proclaimed Oprah Winfrey. She retired from the Oprah Winfrey Show after 25 years of talking. But, her final show was not all she had left. Oprah started her own network. Yup… the OWN network. She owns it. Live it, love it, work it she essentially says.
- Charlie Sheen — The former “highest paid actor on television” told his boss to f-off. After getting away with it (essentially), he was reportedly paid $25 million to leave CBS, then went on a national comedy tour where he made big bucks just to sit on stage and talk, followed by news he’s got a new show on FX. Using his star power wisely, he helped raise money to help Japan — and, of course, to bail his ex-wife Brooke Mueller out of jail for yet another drug bust (nice guy that he has become in 2011). So, even though he was unemployed and appears to be back together with Brooke since he broke up with his two adult film star goddesses [who oddly enough were health food advocates], he managed to coin the twitter hashtag #Winning.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger — When the Governator retired and said he was planning on going back to making movies after years of unsuccessfully running the great state of California as an eco-friendly Republican, everyone in Hollywood breathed a collective sigh of relief. But, his triumphant return to the big screen stalled when news broke he had fathered a child out of wedlock. His wife, Maria Shriver really should have her name on the good star celebs list for not killing the Terminator. Why? Because his new nickname is the Sperminator and he fathered a child with his wife’s housekeeper Mildred Baena — then kept it a secret from everyone for well over 13 years.
- Kim Kardashian — Married for only 72 days after earning a reported $17 million, she is managing to make that big Harry Potter troll celebrity look-alike husband of hers Kris Humphries look good. When he told her that in a few years people are not likely to care much about her any more (SEE: Kate Gosselin Syndrome) she started scheming and dreaming about ways to get rid of him without making herself look like an idiot. When Kris Humphries suggested that she be a wife and move to Minnesota to support his professional basketball career, her charitable nature ground to a screeching halt. While she might have humored him long enough to make him believe she was in love with him and wanted to start a family, that was only one where she was Queen of the Kardashian kingdom, hired nannies to do all the child rearing, and she would magically commute between New York and Los Angeles. Somehow Kim K missed the meaning of her wedding vows and seems to really believe the stork drops off new babies by UPS.
- Donald Trump — The birther matter. His hair. His interest in hosting the GOP debates so he can pick apart his political rivals then declare his own run for president. Although we totally like the Donald for his ridiculous connection to professional wrestling and for all the great charity benefit work his “celebrity employees” get done on his behalf when they star on the hit show Celebrity Apprentice, we simply have to put him on the bad list.
- Michelle Bachmann — Hate mongering, anti-gay marriage activist Michelle Bachmann was picked out and picked on by VH1 for her creepy, non-blinking alien eyes. They also showed some glamorous footage of Michelle Bachmann looking like she was going down on a corn dog. The street food nymph certainly does not come across as very presidential. Actually, remind us why her presidential run has been taken seriously by anyone? Oh yeah, that’s right. Because when first asked about her female political rival (that other shifty eyed Republican who can beat her), Bachmann replied, “Sarah Palin, who?” With that statement, she had her most glorious moment.
- Jennifer Lopez — How tough it must be for estranged husband Marc Anthony to watch JLo dragging herself around the world with Casper Smart. Jenny from the block is cougar – liscious says HLN voice Jane Valez Mitchell, but her body suits and all that shimmer is starting to make her look less like an American Idol and more like a judge. As in judgemental. Jennifer can’t seem to live one day of her life without having a hot and heavy affair with some man. Why is her self-esteem so low and why isn’t she focusing more on being a good role model for her celebrity twins? Who knows… but we wish she would pay more attention to the statement she makes with her romances and her personal appearance. Hoochie mama starts looking old after two kids and 10+ years past 30. Get back to being a mommy and doing more work for charity, stop playing footsies with random men, and get back on the good news list expediently.
- Ashton Kutcher — Poor Demi Moore, her life sabotaged by aspiring actress Sarah Leal. Who knew a twenty something girl could throw water on the fire of a romance that was burning in the heart of a thirty something celebrity. The phrase, “Yeah, I did good — you are really pretty…” will never have a polite meaning. When Ashton Kutcher allegedly cheated on his wife while staring at the Hard Rock Hotel, his parting shot to the party girl became the money shot heard ’round the world. Unfortunately the only person who cashed in was the mistress. The green celebrity power couple are divorcing and the world is not going to be a better place for it.
- Mariah Yeater — The groupie named Mariah Yeater who claimed Justin Bieber was the father of her child is just too young (in our humble opinion) to put on the ugly list. While the twenty something girl did a horrible thing by falsely claiming that the Biebs fathered her bouncing baby boy when the two had a backstage bathroom tryst, it seems that her shame over getting pregnant by an unnamed suitor may have started what has turned into a full-blown emotional disorder. It was a good thing Justin Bieber used the extra press coverage as an excuse to give shameless plugs for charity.
- Deena from Jersey Shore — Between her Jersey Turnpike dance moves and accidental no swimsuit panty dance, Deena from the Jersey Shore managed to make all 4 foot tall Italian girls like she and her pal Snooki look even worse. Between the drinking and the sleezy living, she is gross enough. Watching her explore her bi-sexual wild side and then pledge allegiance to the slammin’ salami after dissing the young blonde lady who essentially did nothing more than service her made us (as LGBT civil rights advocates) feel repulsed. Why? Because there is nothing more impolite than abusing someone’s trust sexually. Whether Deena was on vacation or just trying things out, she treated her Italian fantasy girl terribly. Even if the tart did end up hooking up with Vinnie despite Deena’s cocka-doodle-doo blocking. Ugh… we know way too much about this show. Seriously.
- Courtney Stodden — The teen bride who married the 50 something year old Green Mile movie actor Doug Hutchinson claims she, “came out of the womb this way” — in stripper heels and busting out with exposed cleavage? Her snake arm band bracelet makes our skin crawl. She even went on the Dr. Drew show to prove to America her boobs are real. She’s so wet — from washing her hands? Clearly a reason to tweet about it. She is a celebrity boob — and totally vile.
- Ted Williams — He was a homeless guy until he got discovered. Then, the “Man With The Golden Voice” began the emotional fleecing of America. After he essentially bull shat Dr. Phil to the point of making him look like a well-meaning idiot, we here at Green Celebrity Network stopped paying attention to him. Why? Because people who betray a public trust, lie like rugs, and pride themselves on getting away with it are ugly from the inside out. And, at some point any assistance they get from folks because they successfully ran a con becomes harmful to their spiritual recovery process.
- Chris Brown — He might be impressed with his own junk (which he leaked a photo of onto the internet in 2011), but we’re still not impressed. Who is Chris Brown? He’s that guy who got in trouble for beating up his (then) girlfriend Rihanna while they were driving around town in a Lamborghini. That was abuse of an exotic beauty on two counts in our book. He is a talented jerk at best — no more, no less.
- Michael Lohan — The father of Lindsay Lohan allegedly beat up his girlfriend after she refused to perform oral *ahem* on him. He ratted his daughters secrets out to the paparazzi, then tried auctioning himself off as a gigolo to raise money for charity. Needless to say, he did not win any celebrity dad of the year awards.