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Great American Conspiracies: JFK, UFOs, Herman Cain booty mystery?

December 2nd, 2011 at 1:38 am by Max Mihn Leave a reply »

Conspiracy theories abound. Some people feel JFK was assassinated by the CIA, UFOs really crashed in Roswell, New Mexico, and now presidential candidate Herman Cain claims a conspiracy to make him unelectable is underway. That’s right. He claims someone is paying women to come forward who have been fooling around with him behind his wife’s back.

Great American Conspiracies: JFK, UFOs, Herman Cain booty mystery? Taking the opportunity on December 1st, 2011 to whine about women who have outed him as an alleged cheating husband to tell his side of yet another cheating scandal story to a friendly conservative news caster, presidential hopeful Herman Cain talked to Sean Hannity. He then told Fox News viewers that he thinks someone is paying women to bad mouth him. He does not know who and has no proof but he wants voters to believe his conspiracy theory.

Politico reports, “Herman Cain sounded the conspiracy bell to explain the four women who’ve accused him of sexual harassment, and the one who claims they had an affair sporadically over 13 years.”

“Somebody, somewhere is paying them off’ to try and smear my character in order to slow me down,” Cain said, adding he and his lawyer are trying to restore his reputation.

Granted, during his interview Herman Cain stopped short of encouraging voters to wear tin foil hats to block the air waves of media stories about his alleged womanizing to enter their feeble human minds. While proctoring his conspiracy theory up for his red-blooded patriot male constituents who love to watch the right wing talk shows, he tried to look serious yet jovial and confident… but still.

Whether you are a Republican, a Democrat, or a registered Independent voter who likes him for his straight from the hip 9-9-9 plan, one has to wonder if he is being fiscally responsible by continuing to accept campaign finance donations at this stage of the game? Especially now that allegations have arisen that he’s been giving money to the woman who says he has been one of his mistresses for over 13 years without his wife’s knowledge.

[An unlucky number for Cain, for sure.]

Death and Taxes, a political blog, notes:

Herman Cain has yet to fully outline his seemingly doomed presidential campaign’s next steps. The day after Ginger White alleged a 13-year affair with Cain, the candidate said he was “reassessing” his White House run.

Then he told students at Hillsdale College he’s in it to win it. Now Cain says he will have a final decision in a few days.

It’s all very confusing and unnecessary, since only Herman Cain thinks Herman Cain can actually win.

While one can safely assume that campaign rival Rick Perry is loosening that Windsor-looking necktie knot a bit (so he can expel more hot air while laughing), noticing that Cain appears to be a bit misogynistic in his remarks about the women he’s dealt with professionally in the past.

So, while the disgraced presidential candidate is busy using campaign contributions to buy up key term advertising for the key phrase “Ginger White“, his new #1 rival Newt Gingrich has been buying up ad space on pages with the key phrase “Herman Cain”.

Great American Conspiracies: JFK, UFOs, Herman Cain booty mystery? While the republican was caught cheating on his wife in earlier decades (after trying his best to impeach ex-president Bill Clinton for cheating on his wife Hillary Clinton with Monica Lewinsky), he saved his reputation by owning up to being naughty. Furthermore, he did not blame the press, his mistress, his wife, his dog, the aliens, the CIA who conspired to kill JFK then sandbagged Hollywood actress Marilyn Monroe, or anybody.

You see, that’s the interesting thing about Newt Gingrich — and why he is in a better position to beat Cain out for the GOP nomination.

He was a dog and admitted it.Then he got back to the business of talking politics in a way that was not hokey.

Herman Cain — while he appears to be doing his best to pay women off and sweep rumors he is a cheater and a misogynist under the rug before his wife puts the kibosh on their more-than-13-year marriage — is failing in the polls because he won’t stop barking up the wrong tree.

Conspiracy theory… tee hee.

All men who cheat and get caught have a long and complicated excuse about what happened, a list of denials about wrong-doing, and ultimately end up blaming their spouse, the other woman, their friends, co-workers, or anybody but themselves for past indiscretions when confronted with real consequences. The next predictable plays will be angry lashing out followed by tearful admissions or pleas to rekindle the romance with the general public.

Many serial cheaters are even forgiven by the press to a certain degree when and if they repent. [Think Tiger Woods, Jesse James, and even Tiki Barber (albeit by sportscasters who are men).]

Can you say, “Cheese!” Mitt Romney? Those GOP camera flashbulbs are about to star going off. When they decide Reagan-esque good looks, common sense, and an ability to keep your personal affairs both aboveboard and private beats having to say your party lost the election because of the Herman Cain booty mystery, you will be a shoe-in for the nomination almost certainly.

Watch Herman Cain defend himself while talking to Sean Hannity in this video clip and you tell us… does he sound presidential to you and fit to lead?

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Great American Conspiracies: JFK, UFOs, Herman Cain booty mystery?


Max Mihn is a green superhero. Writing about the latest news in green gossip and offering product reviews of the coolest eco friendly products and green tech gadgets on the market now, he is the man to talk grass roots marketing for your non-profit organization or small business. He also shares his wise analysis of Hollywood gossip as it relates to contemporary social issues. Follow him on Twitter @green_muze.

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